Yikes! I’ve been tagged by Don Hall: detail three things you learned the “hard way” and tag three others.

1. Don’t marry someone else in the theatre.
Now, before Don and RZ and others climb all over me, this is a personal one, not a universal ban. I am just too intense and too focused to have somebody else equally intense and focused on the same thing sharing a house with me 24/7. The result is mutual meltdown and way more tension than a relationship can stand. I am now married to a wonderful woman who encourages me to live in the Real World ™ at least part of every day. And the result is better personal mental health, and a lot more joy.

2. Sometimes Warrior-energy is not so good for leadership.
The task of the Warrior is to kill the dragon. So first the Warrior has to identify people as dragons, and then kill them — otherwise he doesn’t have anything to do. I have a lot of Warrior energy (just in case you didn’t notice), and that helps me get a lot done. But it also makes me not so good at collaboration. When I was chair of the Drama Dept, I used a lot of energy turning my colleagues into dragons and then killing them. Very heroic. Not so good for departmental morale or creative collaboration. So when my colleagues asked me to take a seat, I finally had to take a good, long look at my behavior. Part of my current sabbatical has been learning how to avoid bashing. Better, but still needs work. Working on my Magician (see Carol Pearson, The Hero Within).

3. Never Trust Your Pet to the Devilvet

Just kidding.

3. You Don’t Have to Make Everyone Else Happy First
This has been a challenge for me, as one who assumed the role of the “family mediator” when I was growing up. I spent a lot of time trying to solve everyone’s problems, make sure they were doing what made them happy, made sure I had done whatever needed to be done, and then I could do what I wanted to do. Result: total frustration on my part, total infantilization on the part of others. Gotta let people be grownups and contribute to the well-being of the whole.

I tag Ian, devilvet, and Nick.

Original post by Scott Walters